27 Mar A time for reflection
Today has been a superbly weird day. And when I say superbly weird – I mean off the charts. I heard my neighbour talking on her phone as she was walking up and down her own postage-stamp sized garden, telling the person that she was speaking to that she was doing her exercising walking in her house because we are not allowed to walk in the complex.
It seems that we’re still suffering from stock shortages because of yesterday’s panic buying. Some medication is chronically out of stock and the people who have to wait until the end of the month (and can’t stock pile it) don’t have access to this. This happened to me today although I’m one of the lucky few to have a family member in the medical profession – and a good relationship with my other medical specialists – who were able to sort me out with alternative medication to fulfil my needs.
For some reason – and I’m thankful for this – I’m able to look at it with a greater degree of perspective, something which I wasn’t able to do towards the earlier part of this week. It’s allowing me to feel less desperate and actually helping me to get on with what I need to do.
This time has also allowed me to think back on the past, reflect on it and possibly draw connections between the little me and the adult me.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve been a perfectionist. My therapist calls it my A-type personality. When I wasn’t at school, I would carefully coordinate my outfits. I had a love of patent leather shoes and would wear them while I walked on the bricks around my parents’ house because I liked the clip-clop sound that they made.
I was also always very coordinated – the bag would match the shoes, which would match the headband. And don’t forget the bling! I loved (and still love it today) accessorising my outfits with tastefully selected plastic jewellery. My mom tells the story of me – when I was about four or so – loving my uncle’s girlfriend’s myriad of silver bangles. Apparently I used to call them ‘bingles’.
I would get extremely upset if I didn’t do things perfectly, if I didn’t achieve straight As and anything else that I put my mind to. (This didn’t apply to sports, however. In fact, I made it a mission to try and wrangle a sick note out of my mother for every single PT session at school. That was my absolute worst period at school.)
I think that the reason why this is coming to mind, especially at the moment in this time of COVID-19, is that sometimes things don’t go as you’d planned. Sometimes, you can’t control whether or not the gym is going to close for hygiene reasons or that you won’t be able to buy booze or have your nails done for 21 days (something that is paining me dreadfully!) Are these things such a train smash? Are they the be all and end all of your life? It kinda puts things in perspective and allows you the opportunity to decrease the stress in your life because you’re not worrying about things that are actually not worth worrying about.