I am so lucky

I am incredibly lucky

Over my 20-odd years in therapy, during which time I’ve been lucky enough to gain some amazing insights, I’ve come to realise that there’s a massive difference between my head and my heart:

  • I can understand in my head that I need to do something. (Take for instance, social distancing: I can understand the medical necessity of why we need to keep our distance from one another.)
  • However, unless my heart feels that I personally need to adopt a certain behaviour, I will rebel against it internally. I’ll ask myself: “Why the h*&ll do I need to do this?” “What benefit is in it for me?”

In my last post, I was feeling incredibly angry at the fact that I would be required to spend my birthday in lockdown and that after this I would need to spend a further two weeks in this state. This basically means that I would not be able to enjoy the last vestiges of the warmth of autumn with my friends and family, out and about and having a good time. (This is what my heart is saying to me. My head logically realises that I can enjoy the last few weeks of warmth comfortably on my front veranda with my family and friends on Zoom. But my heart tells me that this is not the same.)

So needless to say, I was dreading yesterday. Absolutely dreading it. I was perfectly prepared to bury my head in work and forget that the day actually existed. (And also since this is my last birthday in my 30s, and it holds a lot of meaning, this further put salt into the wound.)

However, fate intervened and said to me: “Lia: I’m not going to let you forget that this is your birthday and I am going to make sure that you take time to acknowledge it.” I was inundated with phone calls, Facebook messages and WhatsApps from people showing me that they love me, care for me and wanted to acknowledge me on my birthday.

Which is why I’ve given this post the title “I’m so lucky”. I don’t feel lucky because I live in a nice house, have running water and electricity as well as an Internet connection. Frankly, I have all of this things because I’ve worked for them and can provide them. I feel that I’m lucky because I have people around me who I can count on and are my village. They support me when I need it the most and don’t ask any questions. This is why I’m eternally grateful this morning and am glowing from the inside.